new paint

It's funny, when you find out your are going to be a parent all these thoughts go through your head. What kind of parent will I be? What will I do differently than my parents did, what will I do the same? Then you become a parent and all you can think of is 'When will I ever sleep again!'. As kids grow up your fears, frustrations, accomplishments and challenges change. You go from teaching them how to walk to how to stop walking and check for traffic, putting food in your mouth to not stuffing your face. Each stage has some level of expectation to aim for. Stages also come with challenges and trials, some predictable ones and some that you just didn't see coming. Potty training, for example, is a common trial that almost every parent has so go through... it sucks, but eventually the outcome is no more dirty diapers. It's a stage.

Stages with a child with special needs is a little different. The expectations are a little different, if there are any, the time line is also different. Sometimes it is very frustrating to see other children bopping along milestones and growth charts while yours struggles with seemingly easy situations. Children of trauma see the world differently than those who have yet to face life's real trials. Unless you can accept the idea that you don't see what they see and just help them navigate their reality it is impossible to understand.

Today, after months of unintentionally putting it off (or so I thought) I decided to repair the girls walls in their room. The walls are only two years old, but they are riddled with holes and scratches. These came from the pain and anger of a very small girl, a girl who if she could have would have chosen any other way to explain how she feels. In the moment there was a child who could care less about the safety of herself or others, there was anger she couldn't understand. As I painted today, I was accompanied by that same little girl. She sat quietly at first, then slowly and with thought said " I am sorry I did that, I will try not to do it again". I hear I am sorry all the time from my 3 kids. This time it stopped me in my tracks. I told her I know she didn't mean it and that this paint was taking the hurt away.

In all my parenting prepping years, never did I think one of the more powerful conversations I would have would be about painting a wall. We have many set backs and many milestones. You never know when they are going to come, or how you will react when it does happen. I thank God today, that I painted the wall and the little child next to me is a survivor.

Summer Vacation!

It's about time! As many of you know this year has not been pleasant with the school system. Summer vacation is a welcomed time in this family. Meetings, Department of Education, School committee, Advocated hundreds of emails, phone calls, letters and conversations... none of which were fun. Who knew being a proactive parent could be such a bad thing when it came to a school. Over the summer the Superintendent of schools will be looking through all their special education classes and finding the right fit for Julia. although nothing is resolved yet we do feel our voice, and the voices of others have started to be heard.  I did however assure the Superintendent that I would not be satisfied until all the voices were heard, that appeasing me isn't good enough now, that there is a problem that needs to be fix. So what came of this year? Julia ended up being a blessing to many kids, some of who she will never meet, because she had a need and the need wasn't met mama bear and papa bear stepped in. We stood our ground, said what we needed and went to those that could help. Fighting for what you child needs in a school system is never fun, but at least now the parents in our school will be heard in the upcoming school year... something new thanks to Julia :)

That being said BRING ON SUMMER VACATION!