Catching up

The journey so far has been quite a whirl wind of things we never expected. To start off I was quite sure I was set with two children, after being pregnant in 2003,2004,2005 and 2006 I was all set with the being pregnant game. So I had my tubes tied. But God is funny. So in July of 2009 Julia entered our home. Looking back over the past few years we have now shared, 2 of her birthdays, 2 Christmases, 2 years of school, several court hearings, doctors visits, and countless hours discussing what the best plan would be it has been an amazing transformation. Bringing Julia into our home was a delicate process, mostly because we already had our two children, who now had to share not only their toys and their home, but also their parents. It instantly became complicated splitting the time into three instead of two.

Julia came to us malnourished, unclean, and lacking what every child requires in most every aspect. We didn't have time to dwell on heart break or the past so we submerged her in what it was like to be a kid. She flourished  right away with toys , books, peer friendship, love, attention, appropriate doctors visits etc. As time went on it quickly became exhausting trying to keep up with everything Jules had missed as well as give adequate attention to Ella and Caleb. Things started popping up with Julia that we knew we could not handle alone, but were not really sure were to go. Luckily my children have an amazing pediatrician, who referred us to a psych at Children's Hospital Boston. After several heart breaking appointments week after week we finally started to get some answers. Julia suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder at the very least. We were next referred to the Intensive Care Coordination of Bristol County. These people are nothing short of angels on earth. They are people, who take the time each week to come into our home and help us help not only Julia, but every member of our home. Every week a Case manager comes in to get an update on how things are going, a Family Planner comes each week to help with outings, errand planning, game plans, what works, what doesn't and what next weeks plan should be, and finally an In Home Therapist who each week comes in and observes our family interactions discuss with us in detail Julia's well being. Every month we have a care plan meeting involving not only Ben and myself but also the members of our Trauma team and my best friend, who has been an integral part of Julia's care and wellbeing since she came into our home. We come up with goals, struggles, triumphs and concerns to see how as a team we can help Julia and our family flourish.

On top of the three meetings each week, we now have three children in three different schools and three different times. Julia was accepted into the SPED program in North Attleboro on account of her need for peer socialization and development. She has been in the program since January and has done an amazing job adjusting. I had the privilege of watching her play on the playground with her friends a few days ago and it brought joy to my heart to see her smile her Julia smile while sliding down a slide with a friend. Every week she brings home her projects and stories of what she has accomplished in her class. Her teacher Mrs. M is a gifted teacher for amazing and gifted children .

All that being said, not every day is a breeze, in fact most are exhausting. As most of you know having young children is exhausting in itself, and having three only intensifies that. Having a child with disabilities is an entirely different ball game. Julia has not only the heart and passion of a 4 year old, but the experience of an 18 year old, and some behavior development of a 12 month old. Because her trauma was "pre-verbal" it adds a complexity that is complicated at best. Everyday adds a new challenge not only for us and Julia, but also for Ella, Caleb. Things that had long since been a memory to me have been brought back, and things I didn't think I would have to deal with until teenager years have been forced upon us. For the respect of Julia and those who were part of her past I will be candid to not go into detail on specifics but know that she is affected by what her earlier years brought to her life, in ways that most of us could not imagine.

Through Julia's Intensive Care team and Ben and myself we have come up with a specific behavioral and safety plan for Julia, taking everything into account that we have learned over the past year and a half. We ask that you respect our decision to follow that plan. Julia has come so far in a year and a half and we have faith she will continue to flourish through the love and support of her friends and family.

As for family and friends we can not say enough. Those of you who have been there for us have been nothing short of a miracle. With no obligation other than taking care of one of God's children, we will never be able to express our gratitude to you for being a part of this journey with us. Know you hold a special place in our hearts.

I think Julia put it best this past Christmas, when I suggested we put her on top of our tree as our Angel, she politely declined... her reply was "I can't go on top of the tree, because I am part of the family I stay down here".