Teaching Attachment

Teaching attachment is just as easy at teaching trust. You can't. It is something you have to feel for yourself before you know you have it. Most of us have attachment at a very young age, from birth really. But what if you don't, what if you don't understand what it means to be attached to someone? Attachment can not be forced and it certainly can not be fake. Attachment works both ways. For many parents attachment and bond starts to happen with a first ultrasound or a first kick of a baby. Some feel it the first time they hold their baby after waiting ten long months. Children then know attachment from day one and have it as an instinct. But what if you are missing that time? 

Over the past 18 months we have had the amazing yet heartbreaking chance to see Julia sort our her attachment. It is interesting to see the turning points and what makes attachment real for her. Over time we have learned tips and techniques on how to deal with babysitters, doctors, new family, strangers, friends etc. A child with out stranger danger needs coaching on how to judge where attachment should be and when there should be none.

 We have come so far, and I say WE with very strong meaning. I love Julia as a child of God, as I always have.  I had the privilege for the first time, a few weeks ago,  to see her walk around the corner at school and smile just because I saw her. It was like the first time a biological mother holds her child. I know it seems strange that it took 18 months to feel that, but most mothers have at least 10 months to prepare.  Julia has now taken to asking me where I am going, when I will be back etc... even if my trip is to go pee for roughly 7 seconds in the bathroom. Together Julia and I have made such huge strides in our attachment over the past several weeks. Although we still have a long way to go, the foundation is now laid.  I believe in celebrating when it is time. Julia has started her road to attachment, and I am glad to be part of it.