Three years ago I took everything that I thought was secure and normal and tossed it out the window. Three years ago I learned that someone else's bad decisions (who I didn't even speak to at the time) would forever impact my life, my children, my family, my friends... well everything! Looking back now, three years seems like forever ago. At the time, the kids were 2,3,4!! they are now 5,6,7!
So what has 3 years brought? It is a hard question to ask myself. I look at my kids now, in comparison to three years ago and I see the strongest bunch of children around. Ones that fight for whats right, love no matter what, accept others how they show up and not how they wish they would be, but they have also all learned that the life doesn't have a map. That there is no guaranteeing it is going to work out how they saw it going. That is a very deep concept for a bunch of kids to accept.
I am blessed to have the children I do. Julia, for obvious reasons makes me proud, she is a survivor and refuses to give up. 110% of my time over the past 3 years has been spent on behalf of Julia. Fives meetings a week for a year was no walk in the park, on top of the monotonous job of having a child who is developmentally delayed to the point where there are weeks we need to remind her when to use the bathroom, remind her to swallow food, how to get dressed, when to walk, literally to breathe. As many of you know, we don't do babysitters unless we have to, thank goodness for family! But even then the repercussions of Julia being in the care of someone else usually leads to more time and effort to get her back to where she needs to be. So where does that leave Ella and Caleb? Standing strong, waiting patiently while the majority of everyone in their life gives most of their attention to Julia. I could not have asked for better children. To be constantly put on the back burner and still have smiles on their faces, love for their sister, understanding for when Ben and I have to focus once again on Julia... they truly are amazing beings.
What else has the past 3 years brought? It has brought a better understanding of other people. First, I have a much greater respect for parents with children with special needs. There is no way to explain it really, other than it is just a different way of life. Everything is different, meals, errands, brushing teeth, even sleeping! No child is exactly the same, but a child with special needs bring an entirely new aspect to the table. One that in many cases never changes even into adult hood. There are also joys that come along that parents of typical kids will not experience. I never would have understood this four years ago. What's the big deal... you went to the store... people do it everyday with three kids. I was there, 'how hard could it be?' ... that was my thought. I remember after many many meetings and even a trip to the store with Julia's family partner we finally took a successful trip to the store!! (let me just add in now, success is measured a little differently too). I remember walking out of the store heading to the van with a grin like I had just won power ball. The best part was, looking behind me were 3 kids... all with the same size grin.
Lastly, and the hardest for me to deal with is being proud of how far we have come ( That struggle is for another day and another post :)). When we began this journey there was many hurt feelings, hard choices, mistakes, struggles, and tears...so many tears. I remember making an appointment with Julia's pediatrician balling my eyes out that my family was now destroyed and I couldn't make it better. First of all, let me say, the most important thing he said to be was 'I believe you'. To have some one believe what our home life is like and now just say "but she is just so cute, I am sure she will be fine" was like someone throwing us a life raft. So off we went, evaluations, 10 visits to Boston within 10 weeks, then a team of professionals (hence the 5 meetings a week). It was intense to say the least, what kids like to sit through any meetings, much less several a week! But now, as we are left with only a few meetings here and there now I can honestly say I am proud of us. Do we have it all figured out? no! but honestly... show me someone who does. I am proud I stuck with it, proud of the supports that stuck around, proud to say I don't know it all but we take each step as a family and we are better for it.
So in conclusion, three years has brought us a feeling of permanency. It isn't a feeling that you can force, it is no one everyone needs to learn, because to be honest you can't really get that feeling of permanence until you have lost that feeling. It's the little things that turn into the big things, and I have learned what I thought were the big things, really in comparison were the little things. I have three little things that are the biggest things in my life, and I am blessed to have spent the past 3 years with them... because I am sure the next three years are going to fly by too!
